I wrote this primarily as a response to so much horrible advice I've seen floating around the inter-tubes about online-dating, particularly from the dating sites themselves. So much of it is written from the perspective of the women or from the viewpoint of chumps who know nothing about actually going out and meeting girls. Just because you've watched two seasons of VH1's The Pickup Artist, does not suddenly make you a MPUA.
Internet dating is an art and a science. There are myths and maxims, half-truths and completely stupid ignorant advice that would fuck up even George Clooney's game. Follow these few pieces of wisdom from someone who's dated online since online dating started if you want the real skinny.
1. Everything you know about meeting girls on the Internet is wrong. So just stop. Stop before you do any more damage.
2. Meeting women online is like selling used cars on television. The only way you're going to get attention above the thousands and millions of other guys out there is to SHOUT really LOUD and wear the brightest colored suspenders. Once you have their attention, offer a compelling product and you will close some business.
3. Women turn to Internet dating for two reasons. One is that they are self-absorbed who feel they are "above" meeting men in pubs and lounges (or are too busy, or generally have extremely high bitch-shields, etc etc blah blah excuses excuses). Or, on the contrary, they do it because they have fragile egos and as much social anxiety as many chumpy guys. Pick the type women you want to go after in advance, because the approaches for meeting these two types of women are very different. Very beautiful women online may be very successful and busy (rare) but it's more likely that they are bored and looking to be entertained. You will get more attention from women if you give them something interesting and unique to read, perhaps at the same time chipping through that bitch-shield a little bit. As for the socially awkward girls, 99% of the time they are not hot but they're actually very easy to pick up.
4. Select the right site for your kind of game. Not all dating sites are structured the same. And some sites attract different demographics, so know the overall demographic of each of the major dating sites BEFORE you join and tailor your game to suit. For instance, Matchmaker.com is all cougars and divorcey types. OKCupid & Plenty of Fish are mostly teenagers and the under 25 set. A game that works well on Facebook is going to fail on Match.com. And both of those gambits would crash and burn on eHarmony. For a comprehensive list of dating sites and demographic information, click here.
5. While being truthful is important, the issue of truthfulness glosses over another very important aspect about dating - women are not that interested in your overall looks, age, weight, etc. so long as you telegraph confidence and strength. Being well groomed is important, as is having a good photo, etc. But if you're a strong personality and appeal to women through words, they will respond to it. All of a sudden things that men obsess about (looks age weight etc) are not that big a deal. YOU ARE A SEXUAL OBJECT. Communicate that with your profile and messages (within reason). You don't need to whip your penis out and beat a girl senseless with it in order to prove you're a man, however you risk being stuck forever in "let's just be friends" zone if you never telegraph sexual interest.
6. The amount that you communicate with each girl varies based on her personal style of conversation. Some are very chatty with lots of back-and-forth banter, some just want to exchange the facts. Some want to read a sweeping romance novel from you, and others have absolutely no creativity at all. Feel out the girl and respond in the way that responds to her - this is the beginning part of the seduction. Her profile is full of details. Just write to the details. If her profile is full of short, factual information, respond with short rapid-fire messages. If she's a budding Tolstoy, give your fingers a workout and start pecking out that novella. There is no set way to maintain communication once it's started, and no pre-determined number of messages required to get a girl to a date. Anyone who tells you that "I give up if we don't exchange numbers after 3 rounds of emails" is thinking only about himself and NOT LISTENING TO THE GIRL. The only way you know the right number is to read the situation and keep the energy level high, and keep steering it towards a meeting. If the initial energy wanes before it gets to a date, the chances were pretty good it wasn't going to get there in the first place. Which leads me to my next point....
7. Some women truly are just bored, and doing online dating sites as an interactive way of living out a scene romance novel. Women in this sub-class have no intention of meeting or dating men in real life. Maybe they're married or have boyfriends and are bored, but too chicken to step outside and cheat. It takes a little work to ferret these girls out, but usually after a few emails and photos are exchanged you can usually find out the real story. Once you know a woman is in pen-pal mode, get the hell out unless you like extra work writing witty emails for someone you're never going to meet. I've tracked it back over the years, and I found that nearly all of the girls who initiated communication with me led to dates, f-closes, and sometimes long-term relationships. Of the girls I contacted, very few responded and even fewer turned into dates. This isn't to say you should be completely passive, but you'll do much better (and exert less effort) if you put up a really spectacular profile and then let the women come to you.
8. Beautiful women get emailed a LOT by chumpy guys, so they're used to being told ENDLESSLY that they are beautiful and "hey would you please go out with me." This gets at a fundamental truth about all women who use the internet to date (even the ugly ones): Online dating validates a woman's sense of female power. If you fall into that trap of being Chumpy Guy #371 to contact them, then you may as well just give up and go back to wanking in the shower. Do not supplicate. This is not to say that you can't meet beautiful women online - I've met and dated several extremely beautiful HBs from online dating sites, but here is where selection of site and the quality of your message is crucial. Also think about your goals. ONLY focus on the hottest women for long term dating potential and settle for something less only if you're really hard up for getting laid.
9. Avoid "oneitis" in online dating. This is important so don't overlook this: THERE IS NO ONE 'PERFECT' GIRL ONLINE. Everything you read about a girl from her profile is an interpretation of reality inside your mind. The real person is always different, and usually not as good as the ideal you've built up in your head. If you idolize a girl as being perfect, the chances of you actually scoring with her decrease with every desperate supplicating email you send her. Remember: IT'S NO BIG DEAL. There will ALWAYS be a hotter, younger, kinkier, more fun girl than the object of your fixation. Keep your mind open so that when that next hot girl comes along, you're ready for her.
10. Keep it fun (cocky-playful), positive, and congruent. You have to raise some ire in order to get someone to respond, but be mindful of crossing the line into just being a dick. A funny joke about someone being unattractive is fine, but calling someone out for being fat or making a racist statement is not cool. Swearing is also a big no-no - you'll lose even fun girls right off the bat as soon as they see a swear word in your profile, because swearing in writing can be considered low class. There are so many interesting words to choose from in our language, save the four letter ones for poker night with your buddies. Congruency is also important to telegraph authenticity. If you come out a big-swinging-dick in your profile but your picture looks like you hide out mom's basement from playing World of Warcraft, you're authenticity is going to be suspect. Your whole image (words and images) needs to be consistently communicating the same message. Never self-deprecate or disrespect yourself in an online profile - it communicates weakness and low social value. YOU A MAN, THUS YOU ARE GODS GIFT TO WOMEN. Remember that and don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise.
A few additional tips:
Average = fat
Curvy = fat
A few extra pounds = really fat
Head shot photo only = fat
Head shot photo only focusing on forehead while looking up = really fat
I love "family" = I have a toddler at home that I'm not telling you about
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